old men with lunchboxes

what is it about old men with lunchboxes that crushes my heart into fine heartdust? any time i'm driving and see an elderly man walking alone with a lunchbox in hand, i feel so so inexplicably sad. i feel moderately sad when i see elderly people alone anywhere but the combo of elderly + lunchbox is next level sadness. why can't i think of synonyms for sadness. i thought of using "depressed" but that just seems too dramatic.

anyhow, today i got off work a bit early and made a beeline out to downtown so i could beat traffic before comm group (this plan was a failure btw because i tried a new route which ended up kicking me in the ass and taking more time than necessary). i loove walking around aimlessly in dtla, such a luxury since i started working, and was walking along when i saw an old asian couple. the grandma was hustlin along quickly with 500% purpose while the grandpa trailed behind her. sidenote: what is it with asian women and leaving their men behind? anyyway, as i passed the grandpa i noticed he was holding something in his hand and, in a totally non-creepy way, i stared at him to see what it was. it was a box of "cheese sandwiches" (think ritz crackers) most likely from the whole foods down the street and the sight was weirdly endearing and heartbreaking to me.

as i walked away from them i started to wonder what their story was, how they ended up in america, why they were presumably living in downtown la by themselves. it's nuts to me that elderly asian people can make their way around los angeles via public transportation by themselves when many of my american born & raised friends are afraid to even step on a bus. and then i started wondering whether this man missed being young, thought about the days when he could walk without being hunched over. all to say, i guess i started to realize the grandeur of the age i am right now. i often find myself thinking i'm wasting what many consider the "prime" of my life. like-- i could be fitter, i could be more proactive, i could try more-- things like that. and i suppose that heartbreak i feel from seeing elderly people stems, in part, from the ache of knowing that everyone gets old and withers eventually.

& now i am sitting at the rooftop bar of the ace hotel writing about this weird revelation with a ridiculously pink drink in hand feeling all kinds of cliche but also reassured by the fact that i'm not as bad as most of the people around me. people watching is so prime here. i should probably leave soon. i'm honestly a little nervous about my car, which i sneakily left parked in the ralph's parking structure that has a broken gate and therefore does not enforce its time.

so that's that. good being back here, click clacking the thoughts that go through my mind to the 3 or so people that are still on here.

enjoy your youth ya'll.