obligatory blog post during finals to prove how distracted i am..

my brain literally focuses on EVERYTHING besides what it should be focusing on when finals season rolls around. i also realized it also really craves mcdonald's when under much stress. so unhealthy (both the food and the habit).

i'm not sure why i am so incapable of finishing freaking papers. it actually makes me want to punch myself in the face. why can i not control myself and do it?? my brain is too strong. or my body is too weak. so irritated at myself right now.

this year is over in precisely one week now. and then i will be a senior. wow, this past three years have been a huge blur (especially this past year). i cannot wait to get out of here. but at the same time i regret not really pursuing all the things i wanted to pursue while i was stuck here.

this finals season i have listened to and discovered so much good new music. a blessing and a curse. i am so not good at multi-tasking and i get stuck on lyrics so easily. but good music is the best support for cranky all-nighters.

while talking to a friend about the idea of confrontation i realized that i am really terrible at confronting people. i much prefer that things just remain cool than to shake things up. but! i realized i am only hesitant to confront a person if there is a relationship at stake (this is probably how most people feel). like, i have no qualms about confronting strangers because there's nothing to lose! but i cannot confront a friend, or even retort to confrontation from a friend, because i'd rather keep the friendship than "speak my mind" about something that's probably trivial. it's probably quite damaging to my psyche though. especially because i am also rather prideful.. but i guess i am either forgetful or indifferent because i will usually forget it even happened soon and very soon.

trying to find comfort in knowing that my future is in God's hand without becoming lazy. once in a while i freak out a little wondering if i will ever get a job or do something with my life but it's comforting to know that God's walking with me every step of the way, saying no to some things and opening doors for others. at the same time, it makes me wonder why i should even try then, if God's will is meant to be, can i just chill? HAHA #lazygirlproblems but i think it's pretty obvious God wants us to be productive (see: parable of the talents).

on that note, i discovered today that i cannot deal with unexplained rejection. maybe that implies that i think too highly of myself but i really need people to explain WHY to get over it. i think the unknown is too big a void of potential shortcomings for me to handle.

okay, it is now getting frigid and my fingers are slowing down. i should also work on these stupid papers. 7 more days. let's do this!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i shall leave you lovely people with a gem that i found while distractedly music surfing (it's old and i'm sure some of you already know it but please, let me just take this moment to relish the fact that i "found" it ok?!)