blue

once in a while i find myself feeling very very sad.

not really for any reason.. or maybe for every reason? i dunno. and then i wonder if it stems from an unappreciative / ungrateful heart and i feel bad, especially since i don't have a ton of "real life problems" to be upset about- my family is great, my friends are great, i live comfortably, i'm healthy. but still... i feel sad.

do you think it's just normal for people in their mid 20's to feel this way? or is it a product of our coddled generation being faced with the reality that life doesn't always go the way you imagined? i'm positive i'm not the only 20something that currently feels this way but i don't imagine my dad, at 26, had much time to be sad.

the worst part of this "sad" is that i'm not really sure what would make me un-sad. especially since there isn't really a root issue, persay. it's not like "success" or "a sense of fulfillment" would be a cure (although those do sound nice) and then i wonder if people who i think are un-sad are truly happy and i'm not sure either?

maybe i'm not sad at all. maybe i'm just confused. isn't it crazy that emotions like "sad" and "happy" are basically pre-programmed into us when we're born?

on the flipside of said current state of sad- while sitting in the back of a car and looking out the window the other day, i realized that other onces in a whiles i feel an overwhelming sense of peace and contentment just looking outside. like sometimes it feels like everyday life and all the sad blinds me from just good ole "im alive" and "look how beautiful it is". like i'll look at the sky and the stars and realize they are jarringly great- like a quick breath of air before going back underwater.

underwater is regular life. and sad.