it's mindblowing to me that shit like this is actually happening. but like, not surprising in a "i didn't see that coming" way and more like "i cant believe it finally happened" sorta way.
as a female and a minority, i dont find it too difficult to figure out which "side" i agree with. but i find it increasingly difficult to figure out the proper way to react. my gut feeling is fury, frustration, heartbreak, fear... but it also doesn't make much sense to use those kind of feelings to combat people that literally do not give a shit about what i think. but at the same time, why cant i be mad? why is it wrong that people are out there giving these racist mofos a piece of their mind? i feel like it's literally a human instinct to hate "the bad guy". but how does that make us different from them? i also feel a twinge of curiosity to understand what exactly crosses these peoples' minds to make them feel so entitled, threatened, angry, and twisted. i've been reading a ton of interviews and watching clips and i see a lot of the "alt-right" protesters saying things like "it's our land" and "we need to keep things safe from the others" etc. and i just dont get what possesses them to truly truly believe that. nobody that was around during the era of "the founding fathers" is alive to feel that kind of possessiveness. plus why does "having an ancestor" that founded this country matter? isn't this country founded on freedom and equality? do these white nationalists not treat guests in their homes? i feel like my personality wants so badly to just hear them out but there is literally 0 sense i can make of it, which really leaves me feeling just plain confused and angry. but then what do we do with people like this? the left cries out that everyone should be accepted. a sentiment i agree with. regardless of whether my neighbor is gay straight black or purple, what business is that to me? or wait, should it be my business? how do i balance my beliefs with this? but then if that's the case, do we also accept these psychotic people? where's the line? if not, what do we do with them?
i truly dont get. but i also know for a fact that i dont want to sit here and let hateful people have their way because 1) their beliefs basically puts a whole lotta people (and basically everyone i hold near and dear) in danger and 2) a hateful world seems extremely backwards.
and i promise you that im not a emotionless robot, im really just treating this as a way to digest my thoughts. i really think i just cant wrap my head around that fact that there are people that are actually like that.
and another note. im not sure how to treat this topic. obviously i speak out about what i believe. but i feel like there are so many voices that are making this a black v white argument. and no, i'm not pulling a freakin #alllivesmatter card right now. when it comes to white nationalists, neo-nazis, and the kkk, it affects a whole lot of people and i think im just as justified to speak up about the anger and fear i feel. i might not understand it as well as other people, but it's still real to me. dont shut people down because "they dont get it like i do".
it also is a difficult balancing act to speak up and also continue with my life. legit 3 hours ago i was thinking about my japan trip and posting pictures and reminiscing and then i stumbled upon this vice video and felt compelled to share. the self-conscious voice in my head whispers "people are gna see your post as fake... you literally just posted glorified pictures of your #privilege #benefit vacation". but then am i not allowed to think of other things? it's kind of like the ageold how soon is too soon dilemma. i understand this issue is huge and it weighs heavy on my heart, but i don't think people judging people for their thoughts makes much sense. so i decided whatever.
it also is a difficult balancing act to speak up and also continue with my life. legit 3 hours ago i was thinking about my japan trip and posting pictures and reminiscing and then i stumbled upon this vice video and felt compelled to share. the self-conscious voice in my head whispers "people are gna see your post as fake... you literally just posted glorified pictures of your #privilege #benefit vacation". but then am i not allowed to think of other things? it's kind of like the ageold how soon is too soon dilemma. i understand this issue is huge and it weighs heavy on my heart, but i don't think people judging people for their thoughts makes much sense. so i decided whatever.
lastly some misc. candid thoughts:
- do white nationalists never travel outside the states? i feel like it'd be a bit hypocritical of them to enjoy a different nation or really anything that's not from the us. if they're gna be selfish with "their" nation, then they don't deserve to own anything from china, eat any ethnic food, or travel the world. what a shitty life.
- is it an ethics thing? what a pickle. how do you lift up your platform of free speech and equality and justice for all while hating on (hateable but still..) people? how do you balance that??
- what is a Christian's role in all this? despise hate, love all? be biblical and be against "sinners" and what is wrong? how do i judge that??
ugh.
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