#FOMO

If I could whittle down all the things I dislike about commuting and neatly package it into a hashtag/ acronym/ millenialterm-- it'd be FOMO.

Fear of Missing Out.

The hardest part about commuting is not belonging anywhere, really. Even though I'm sleeping at home, I'm usually away for the entire day or not mentally present otherwise, and then at school I don't really have a home either. Commuting also means being that person that has to be like "Ahh sorry, not on campus right now!" or "No, can't get tacos, I need to be home before midnight.." It means not being invited to "roommate dinners~~", not having roommates at all, and not being a part of those super spontaneous apartment hangouts that KCM people seem so fond of. Of course, social media totally perpetuates this fear, by providing these glossy glamorous depictions of what was (in reality) just some people eating dinner together in their apartment but, hey, maybe I'm a fool cus it gets me every time. I wish I could be a part of "roomie picz", I wish people could casually invite me to hang or stop by their apartment, I wish I could still do late night taco runs, and I wish people wouldn't forget that, yes, I still attend USC (dramatization). I always worry and get disappointed/ stressed that there might be something better I can be doing/ somewhere better I can be and that my status as "commuter" and subsequent detachment from everyone/ everything will prevent me from finding these better things and places.

Sidenote: I guess this FOMO is a product of any kind of separation, whether that be people studying abroad (or not), people at school on the East Coast (or not), people out of school (or still in)-- the classic "grass is greener on the other side" issue.

For example, today I was sitting in Eileen's apartment with Esther and Suji and I didn't understand a single inside joke they talked about, a single story they continued, or a single memory they retold. Of course, I also wasn't in any of their cute APT120 poloroids nor included in their plans to go run together later. And it's cool hearing about how they're getting to know more girls in our class by making dinner together or baking and passing out cookies but suddenly it's like "wait, shouldn't I be doing these things too??" (maybe it's the Asian-ness in me that doesn't like the feeling of falling behind.. HA) But I feel like I'm missing out on potential friendships too!
&Okay, I'll admit, I'm also jealous. I wan't to be a part of "normal college life" with my friends too. I wan't to be included in these things. I don't want to miss out on these last senior year memories!

But I'm so frustrated/ disgusted/ intrigued by the way we feel so entitled to be a part of everything. I mean, aren't we always going to be missing out on something? Unless there is indeed a magic world and we have Hermione's crazy time turner there is no way we can be everywhere at the same time (even then, you'd have to turn that thing like a bajillion times). Plus in the end, they're really not doing anything special. It's just.. because I'M not doing it, it looks 100x's more special, you know what I mean?

& Is it not a little gross to think that media is such a big influence that what we see from people's carefully curated social media outlets are affecting our view of what life should be?? Yes, I'm guilty-- please observe the huge plank in my eye-- but it's something we seriously need to change. As a Communication& Mass Media student, I don't think I should be saying this but SOCIAL MEDIA IS TOXIC. Honestly, everything on it is handpicked and filtered to highlight peoples' lives and make you think yours sucks. The truth is-- everyone is pretty much living just like you (unless they're celebrities or like, the Queen) and no, none of this changes the fact that you'll still be missing out.. like always.. but shouldn't you not be wasting the time that you have from missing out by fearing it or wallowing in pity? Why not do something else and create FOMO elsewhere? (LOL jkjk, this is counterintuitive) But seriously. If we could all stop fearing the idea of missing out, maybe we could live more?

I don't know why I'm publicly justifying this and arguing with myself.. nor why I'm scapegoating my commuting for my #FOMO but there you have it folks, I FEAR MISSING OUT and IT BOTHERS ME.

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Here is a more eloquent article by the marvelous Garance Dore that is perhaps clearer than my mishmash above: http://www.garancedore.fr/en/2013/09/12/the-fear-of-missing-out/