purpose

today, i got a bout of the existential blues and could not help but feel a bit anxious about my future. though i love what i study, am interested in my classes, and excited for what i'm hoping to do; i cant help but wonder if the field i'm trying to get into is too "easy".. i'm not saying, "oh darn, it'll be so easy to get a job!" quite the contrary, in fact. i'm nervous that my lack of skills in anything other than "communicating" (aka, things that humans just.. naturally do) will be a problem in the future. i'm nervous that what i want to do requires little more than the "basics" that everybody innately has. am i making any sense?! am i even good at communicating?!?!

let's break it down.

me:
skills/ studies/ expertise/ interests: communication, writing, how to talk to people, interpreting social networks, fashion, public relations, event-planning
[in layman's terms: talking, writing, facebook-ing, liking clothes, maintaining an "image", and planning events]

most humans: talk, write, have a social media site, dress themselves, are interested in celebrity gossip (who isn't, cmon), interact socially w people on the daily, and plan to hang out


pre-med/ science majors:
skills/ studies/ expertise/ interests: research, working at hospitals, "shadowing" people, writing, labs, experiments, *insert fancy thing here*, saving the world
PLUS, all of the above human skills.

DO YOU GET WHAT I'M SAYING HERE? did that make it any clearer? oh God, I am in fact also a bad communicator. there is nothing left for me.


but yes, basically i am worried that i have actually been over-confident about finding a job or even an internship soon because there are sooo many candidates for all the jobs i'm applying for. i have nothing special that sets me apart. maybe i've grown up naively expecting that there will be a "soulmate job" for me. that there will be this one position that is just waiting with my name on it and i'll be the absolute BEST at it! reality says, WAKE UP YOU IDIOT!

wah wah wah.

okay, pity party over.