PRS: post-retreat syndrome

winter retreat 2010:)

twas AMAZING. i loved the theme, loved the praise, loved the people, loved the small group discussions, and loved loved loved the messages!

first retreat as a part of praise band:) i love everyone in praise! (this excessive use of the word "love" is unnatural for me... i shall stop) theyre all so supportive and genuine, it blows my mind. i dont necessarily have a solid role in praise band... buut i joined mainly to have an excuse for helping out with retreat stuff. im pretty much just like... their mom. LOLL i victoriously cleaned/sorted the sheet-music-pile-of-death. and i untangle wires-- which suffices to say that i save most of their lives. i guess that qualifies me. ahaha

hmm, it's crazy how hard the theme hit home.
yousee, lately i've been struggling a lot with being more "inside out". on the inside, i'm definitely a christian. only problem is, i suck at reflecting that on the outside. i swear, i lie, and i make stupid mistakes. im not saying that in order to be a christian, one needs to be perfect& flawless, but i KNOW i can do soo much better than that. urgh. and it bothers me that as a christian i represent God because i'm pretty sure that i do a terrible job.
also, what pastor isaac said about getting rid of the bad roots (bytheway, i LOVED how he had so many analogies. i LOVE analogies ahaha). it really made me think. as i brought up in small groups, one of my many vices= a steady flow of complaints. but i think the root of that evil is an inability to be thankful for all the good things that i have. another thing ive been working on.

there's soo much more i'd like to write about but this isnt even the point of my entry and, honestly, i shouldn't even be writing right now. finals are going to kick my butt.


the REAL message of this blog is about PRS post-retreat syndrome.
something we alll deal with after retreat. a steep fall from the religious high we reached. but before that fall, when we're still coasting on the last bit of energy from retreat, i feel like we get challenged.
well, maybe that is too much of a generalization. buuut i definitely did.

so sunday night, im laggin' with all my to-do's and while trying to get pics from my camera onto my laptop i somehow end up getting my memory card madly stuck inside the card slot...
so i freak out.

and im trying to get it out but everytime i get it it gets pushed in deeper and deeper until i cant even touch it anymore. so i freak out some more and, being a part of the modern generation, i go on google and type in "i just got my memory card stuck in my toshiba laptop" and check out tips and troubleshooting.
but while using two steak knives (very specific troubleshooting advice) to get my memory card out i found myself 1) on the verge of tears and 2)thinking "why would you do this to me, God?" BUT i caught myself. and was like "WHAT THE HECK. did i not learn anything from retreat??"

[sidenote, i think it's interesting how when we get these bouts of PRS we feel like we are obligated some kudos from God. for instance, i was thinking, "God i got back from retreat not 24 hours ago whyyyyy?!?!?!"
LOL. yea, like WE're so important that the maker of the universe should be obligated to do anything for us.]

ANYWAYS, back to the story. soo after my realization i calmed down and i thought "it's okay.... somehow. this will work out" and i tried EVERYTHING to get that thing out. finally, i gave in and called michelle because i just really wanted to tell someone and feel sorry for myself and because i was considering using the crazy glue advice (yea, you read correctly. GLUE) and paik, being the wonderful friend that she is (HI MICHELLE, I KNOW YOURE READING THIS BECAUSE IM TALKING TO YOU ON AIM RIGHT NOW ABOUT SQUIRRELS AND ELLIOT, MY TWO FAVES! SHOUTOUT TO YOU!!!) tells me to come over with the laptop. i do, paiks mom uses a SCALPEL to get it out, and voila! problem solved.

first of all, does it not AMAZE you that i tried all these different tactics? and if you are amazed, does it not amaze you MORE that my memory card STILL WORKS! no scalpel or steak knife can fight God! loll.

annd after this whole mess was over, i was thinking about how wonderful it was that God made everything work out... but how bad it was that i needed RETREAT to have that full faith.
like, if i hadn't JUST come back from retreat i would probably have cried, cursed, and been your typical michelle. retreats are like kicks in the shins. you are VERY aware of it, like a snap back to reality. but all too soon, it fades.
i just wish we could have this post-retreat syndrome everyyday. yaknoww?

anyways. i shall wrap up here. SOO MUCH TO DOOO AUGHHHH.