gotta know where the patching goes.

i dont remember where i heard/read this but im pretty sure many of us have heard it before: in order to better ourselves we have to know our faults and weaknesses.
maybe not word for word the way i wrote it but you get the gist, yea?

i personally dislike when people say things like "we need to discover who we are!" or "you need to find the real you" (wait, so are you sayig my life to this point wasn't real? ohmygosh!).
when people say faux- poetic sayings like these i automatically think of zoolander and spoons.
"who am i?" loll

gotta love derek zoolander ;) but honestly what are we getting at by "discovering ourselves"? yea, i understand there are times people have sincere issues trying to find out what they want to do or what kind of person they want to be. but seriously? do we need the melodrama? lets just cut the crap and say what we need to say.

anywhoo. in order to "find myself" "better myself" and "go on a journey of self-discovery" i've decided that i need to make a list of my faults because 1) i thoroughly enjoy saying bad things about myself HA 2) it would be good to warn ya'll about what im like 3) i wanted to show everyone that yes, i am aware of my faults and 4) i really need to go on this odessey in order to find the "real me" lol

let us begin.
all of the only some of the faults of hyun michelle bai.
1) i will never admit that i am wrong. HAHA. it's a bad trait i got from my dad. we are so darn proud. but seriously, when i am wrong i'll play it off like i said the wrong thing on purpose. or it's someone else's fault. these days, i've been trying to fix this problem and awknowledge my mistakes but... it's such a habitual thing yaknow? (i just realized, even in this, i blame my problem on my dad. damnit)
2) i'm mean. yes, it is true. i dont usually intend to be a beezy but my sarcasm kinda overflows and i say things that i meant sarcastically but come out.. wrong lol. but honestly, inside, im not mean. my sense of humor is just a bit off. also working on this. you have no idea how hard it is to supress sarcasm.
3) i'm not very good at taking initiatives. i'm definitely an idea person, i usually have faantastic ideas and i get all worked up about them but.. i dont ever follow through and carry them out. once i get myself to actually start something though, i can be pretty darn productive. this is why i always seem so unproductive.
4) i'm awkward. LOL how do i begin to explain this. especially if im just talking with one person that i dont know too well, i get SO awkward. not like, weird awkward, but shifty and random. i HATE silence, especially awkward silences, so i try to make a remark or small talk. all this results in is 2 seconds of talking and an even heavier awkward silence. ohwoe. and sometimes in awkward silences i just laugh. and then he/she thinks i'm completely out of my mind.
5) i'm kind of a know-it-all. this was especially true when i was younger because that's when i actually had the grades and brain to make it somewhat okay for me to be all snarky but these days i've toned down.. i think.. hopefully. sorry, if i haven't. i just like to talk.
6) i have ego problems. i dont have a big ego necessarily but my ego is quick to be wounded. i guess this goes with #1 but when i do something stupid or make a dumb mistake, i dwell on it for DAYS on end. it's not even that big of a deal.
7) i dont have emotions. well, i do. buut the extreme ones, like rage or sadness, i keep bottled up inside me (not healthy, i know). people rarely see me cry or get genuinely mad. i guess this isn't too bad?
8) i'm very "dgaf" about stuff. yeeea, not a very good thing. but it's only for a few things, like homework. that doesn't mean i dont study in the class and get f's. oh no, i am still asian. i just dont let stress bother me (also unhealthy). BUT if it's something that really hits home. OHBOY. you better watch out. when somebody says something rude to me, insults me, i generally am like "...okay?" but if i really care about it i will talk until i beat you down. HAHA

i know there are more and i kinda want to write more but i dont want to scare all my friends away. also, 8 is my favorite number.
and now i know that because i've listed all my faults they are going to become that much more noticeable to whoever reads this.

OHWELL! (dgaf attitude exhibit#1)