3(2x-4)-12=0

it's really suffocating to be a people-pleaser. i've been realizing more and more that i am totally a people-pleaser, but in a more acute way around certain people, and especially when it comes to my parents. honestly, i could give less shits about what most people around me think but i'm always on my toes around my family. i know it manifests out of my own insecurities from life but it's so frustrating to feel the way i do when i know that those aren't exactly my own feelings. like, i immediately adopt the feelings that i think i need or the feelings that i think xy&z expect from me. i imagine it like algebra where i'm the variable that's determined by the constants and coefficient people in my lives-- does that even make sense? it's been ages since i've done math.. lol idk

ugh, i'm just so sick of being ridiculously stressed about meeting other peoples' expectations and hopes for my life. not trying to be disrespectful, in fact, i think college has actually taught me to appreciate and be more thankful for the ways in which the overflow of other peoples' expectations and hopes often open doors for ungrateful fools like me, buuuut at the same time, it's almost like what's the point of living to please other people?

and also peoplepleasing sentiments are always so skewed. they're also very black& white. like, if i don't accomplish this, so&so will hate me FOREVER (when in fact we are very lucky to have such things like grace& mercy).

sigh, what the hell am i talking about.
i've been realizing that writing journals and blogs gets a lot easier when i have less people to talk to. the introvert struggle, where do we regurgitate all these damn thoughts that are in our heads?

i have no idea what he's rapping about but this song is so soothing. like a nice smooth blanket of words on my ears :)