the end

random thought of the night: it's pretty crazy how one definitive moment can provide absolute closure on a chapter of life like it's no big deal!
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anyway.
hello blogguh, it's been awhile! how have i been, you ask? hard to say..

outwardly, very well. this year has been busy-- but very chill. school's kicking me in the butt (per usual) but more because of my own poor habits than because of the material. and i've taken the beginning of the year to prioritize and reevaluate my commitment to the multiple places i'm tangled up in so i feel like i finally have some breathing room this year.

things i've learned: i lack ambition. wow, i really hate to say it. well i suppose i don't exactly lack ambition, i just shy away from committing to ambitious goals. does that make sense?

somewhere along the line of being a bad student, i've become okay with being a bad student.
somewhere along the line of neglecting certain disciplines, i've become okay with the negligence.

basically, i am just one careless child. i dont know if it's a good thing that it doesn't bother me or if it's bad. i mean, obviously it's not good.. but sometimes i wonder if it's healthier than obsessing. then again, the world isn't black& white.

this doesn't make sense. nothing i say ever does.

i wish i could just live life basking in all of Jesus, eating good food, and having extremely thought-provoking conversations with people that i love and respect. is it too much to ask for? is it??