i remember.

i remember the way he made me laugh all the time. i remember talking about my future with him. i remember him encouraging me to do what i wanted, i remember his advice to pursue what i wanted. i remember his jokes, i remember his hearty laugh.

i remember the news.

i remember the tears the first time i saw him lying helplessly on his bed with tubes in his arm, i remember regularly visiting him at his hospital as soon as he was admitted and chatting with him like nothing had changed. i remember how he still joked. i remember the first time he got surgery, i remember praying hard that everything would be ok, i remember seeing him get better and hoping SO much that one day he'd return to the way he was.

and then i remember hearing that he wasn't doing well.

i remember watching his body shrivel before my eyes, i remember his frail legs, i remember watching as he got sicker. i remember not being allowed to see him because of his condition. i remember the feeling when they told me he was unable to speak. i remember seeing the thing in his throat that gave him oxygen but took away his words. i remember my heart breaking as i saw him try to speak, despite it all. i remember the confusion, i remember when he couldn't remember who i was. i remember not being able to visit him as much.

i remember being upset, i remember questioning why God would let him and his family hurt like that. i remember being confused, i remember wishing things would go back to the way they were. i remember feeling convicted to make him proud.

i remember the news.

i remember not knowing how to feel. i remember the sorrow, i remember the relief. i remember wondering what he was saying to Jesus at that moment.

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one of my role models and a really good family friends passed away last week after battling lou gherigs disease for a little over 2 years. though the loss hit us hard, im proud to say he put up an incredible fight and shocked even the most capable doctors with his ability to battle his illness.

more than anything, i remember what he told me way back when at the hospital while i was being sad and asking how he felt about it all. i remember he said, "i dont give a shit. i'm a son of God and that's enough."

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rest in peace, say hi to God for me.