more!

soo while i was driving yesterday, i talked to my radio.
yes, you read correctly. i talked to my radio.

radio: DID YOU MISS CASH FOR CLUNKERS?! (idk why but they always kinda yell their questions... exclamatory interrogative sentences?)
me: hahaha, yup.
radio: WELL IT'S OKAY! BECAUSE HONDA IS HOLDING IT'S BIGGEST WINTER MARKDOWN THIS MONTH!
me: reallly....
radio: REALLY! IF YOU COME IN ANY TIME THIS MONTH YOU'LL FIND OUR LOWEST PRICES...
me: i want an accord
radio:... ON CARS LIKE OUR HONDA ACCORD AND CIVIC!
me: .........
radio: SO HURRY IN TODAY!
me: ...okay

hahhaa, i supposed it isnt really a "talk" but it was very interesting.

anyways, after i heard this i got really excited, like "maybe my dad will get me an accord! wheeee!!" so when i went home i, of course, told my dad all about it. he gave me his usual shpiel about how im going to college soon, isnt that too much money?, and do you know how hard it is to get money these days? and i felt bad, also as usual. but this has all become routine for me.
think about cars
ask dad if i can have new car
dad gives me guilt trip
i feel extremely bad& vow not to ask again
REPEAT! (and consequently break the vow above)

soo, as you can see, i am rather unsuccessful in trying not to bother my papa too much. i always feel bad for asking, especially as it's hard enough for my dad to support our whole family with his inconsistent costumers but i can never get myself to stop wanting. i've developed a strange affinity for cars and have lists of cars that i would love to get (one is reasonable, one is... not) and everytime i see a car that was on my list or see some kid at school with a nice new car i get SO jealous. gah! and it's not like i dont have my own car. i do. it's just... green, old, noisy, and well... crap. it still runs fine but when i accelerate it sounds like 500 dying creatures screaming into a microphone. not even exagerrating. and then i becomes i wish i had a new car, oh wait, NO, i should be happy with this car, but it sucks, but dont you feel bad for dad? yea, i guess, but this car is TOO much I CANT EVEN DEFOG THE WINDOWS!! (this would be the huge conflict going on in my mind... daily) so im trying to teach myself more about restraint and control.

i was watching this korean drama with my mom the other day and this one guy was saying to the girl something along the lines of "when you have money, you get yourself a car; when you get that car, you want a better car; when you get that better car, you want a boat; when you get that boat, you want a mansion, and it keeps going! money makes you crazy". i couldn't agree more. though i always wish my family were rich (and i assume most other people feel the same?) i am also grateful that we're not so rich that i got nuts and become this i want this and that and if i dont get it, im going to kill you- type of person. though a part of me is muttering "well, im not like that! i just want an accord!" it's all the same when you come down to it, isnt it? i really wish i could learn that things like cars are inconsequential in the big scheme of things. God's not going to care whether you drove a green 1995 Toyota Previa or a sparkly white 2010 Audi TT.

sigh. it must seem dumb to those of you reading. i cant even control myself! what a stupid girl.
i feel like these days my blogs are really preachy. but im really just trying to take a third person perspective on lessons that i need to learn. so, please dont think that im trying to say that i am perfect and adhere to all the things i write about because i definitely dont. just trying to practice what i preach!